Coming out the other side of my Saturn return
A guest post by Isa
Image Magic Gateway by Jeremiah Morelli.
Every 29-ish years Saturn comes back to the same point in the zodiac that it was in when you were born. Astrologers call this our Saturn return and it’s typically a time of growing up, honouring our commitments and taking responsibility in our lives.
Symbolically, Saturn is the planet of scarcity, of structure, restrictions and hard learning. Saturn is the disciplinarian, the devil, the shadow. Saturnian characters appear in almost every story as villains, as domineering parents, as strict school masters, and often, as the people who teach us the most important lessons.
When I first heard about Saturn returns I was terrified. I was expecting a lot of awfulness and perhaps, if I survived it, I would come out more awesome afterwards. Later on, my friend Roy told me “Nah, Saturn returns are great – they are the time in your life when you get to let go of all the messages about who you’re supposed to be – from society and family – and decide who you really are.” That sounded much better than just going through hell for potential long-term benefits. I waited with anticipation.
My experience has felt a lot like being hand-washed by a powerful woman in the olden days – in a very rough fashion – like my psyche has been scrubbed and rung out over and over. But Saturn manifests in many different ways, a lot of it comes down to which sign and house Saturn is in.
For people born the year before me, with Saturn in Libra, when I ask about their 29th year, a lot of them say it wasn’t all that bad. But then Saturn is exalted in Libra! When I ask if they went through massive changes in relationships and relating, whether they have been doing a lot of work to balance their lives and other Saturn in Libra things they generally agree with urgency and zest: “Yes! That was when my major relationship broke up and I went traveling” etc.
A Saturn return in Scorpio is a whole different ball game. Scorpio is intense. I would be surprised to find a 1985 baby out there who hasn’t had a very intense year. Scorpio governs power, money, fears, transformation, sex and all those deep-dark scary parts of ourselves. Saturn in Scorpio will bring up everyone’s fears around intimacy and security, but if it happens to be in a major transit for you, it will be a lot more intense. All of those things you’ve been running from, well, here they are. Deal.
How a Saturn return manifests will also relate to where Saturn is in your chart. Mine is in the 5th house: the party house. A few years ago I started going to a local transformational festival (Kiwiburn, New Zealand’s regional Burning Man event) and realised that partying and having fun is quite a hard thing for me to do (natal Saturn in the 5th). I want to be serious, I want to do soul-work. Why is everyone getting drunk and talking shmack? I just don’t get it.
Facing the tensions and paradoxes is all part of doing the work. My Saturn return started in January 2013, right in the middle of the festival. It was the first time I had volunteered to manage part of the festival and it was hard work. I got completely burnt out. I loved it, but it took me all year to recover, to decompress.
A couple of months later Saturn retrograded back over my natal Saturn and everything in my life was brought into question especially things relating structure, freedom and security, and personal attachments as well. Saturn returns are often like this: Saturn will move back and forth over your natal placement so that you get three good wallops of Saturny goodness! To help work through this energy I journalled every day (for the first time ever), processing, processing, letting go…
Saturn went direct again, as it does, and crossed over my natal Saturn again precisely as I was attending another huge festival, this time in Australia. Burning Seed was also incredibly intense. Pressure built up and up. I had a fantastic time and several terrifying experiences.
At one point I tripped over a fallen tree which was hidden in long grass. It is quite scary being in a forest in a country that has spiders and snakes when you come from a place like New Zealand. I had this weird bump on my knee and it was bleeding, so I went to the medics and was told by a volunteer that I’d probably been bitten by something: cue panic attack. She assured me it was probably just a spider: JUST a SPIDER?
While I struggled to breath in a normal way it occurred to me then that this was very appropriate of Saturn in Scorpio. A few minutes later the actual medic turned up and looked at my wound, “Aw, did you fall over and bang your knee?” I nodded, feeling very silly and very relieved. Although this experience wouldn’t usually have been so terrifying, my Saturn return in Scorpio amplified my fears, causing me to look at and acknowledge them in a new way.
Doing the work of Saturn return in Scorpio involves facing and working through our issues around fear and power, and because it’s Saturn, the best way to do it is through embracing structure. For me this has been through yoga and journalling, and recently, through eating what my body really wants to eat (no processed crap, no grains). It’s also meant embracing the structure imposed on me by having a child in school. My day now has a very definitive routine.
While this might sound boring, I’ve never been a structured, disciplined person in my life, so I’m in awe. I have resisted structure because I’ve always resisted what I was told to do – reacting to the messages from society and family, rather than really figuring out what I wanted and working towards that. Since my Saturn return I feel I’m free of the pattern of desperately trying to be free.
Another thing that my Saturn return has brought is the resolution of my childhood trauma. This is something I’ve been working with my whole life and now, suddenly, I feel like I’m not wounded and broken anymore. I’ve gained some kind of inner strength. Freaky!
So there is light at the end of the tunnel if you do the work, and despite being a masterful procrastinator, I have been doing the work. And here’s a bit of an incentive: apparently if you don’t resolve your Saturn stuff in your first Saturn return it will come back with a vengeance in 29 years time! Good luck :)
Have you just been through your Saturn return?
When I was coming up to my Saturn return in Scorpio I scoured the net looking for accounts of other people’s experience, trying to get some idea of what to expect. Sharing our stories can really help others who come behind us. Share your Saturn return in Scorpio story below.
Saturn return readings
Get a road map and avoid the pitfalls. Navigate your Saturn Return is a half hour reading to let you know the key dates of your Saturn return, as well as any supportive or difficult transits occurring during the same period. Understand the themes that will likely crop up for you and embrace your maturing self with joy rather than fear. You can do this!
Like so many of your insightful articles…this was profoundly helpful.
Thank you Carmen. This post was written by my beautiful friend Isa. I’m really glad you’re enjoying the website :)
My Dad got diagnosed with Cancer and passed away during my Saturn Return. Talk about intense! I know Scorpio has death related themes but I also have Scorpio in my 6th house. I am also a Scorpio Sun! The 6th house being the house of health and service it really was all about illness and also my work life balance. I worked full time all through my dads illness, obviously doing all I could to help my family but I should have taken time off! I didn’t! My work life balance was ridiculous and the year after my Dad died I got a new job which I went from 42hrs a week to 17! I’m now on 30 and I would never go back to anymore lol but it was a tough Saturn Return. I lost my Dad and I can’t get him back but it made me grow up, realise that you can say no to work and that nothing is guaranteed. My biggest fear was realised but it made me stronger than I’ve ever been
My Saturn is conjunct natal Pluto in 8th House. A couple of blocks away, lives my natal Moon, at 13 degrees Libra, also in the 8th house. When Saturn entered my 8th house life became very hard. The financial crisis had me going through 3,5 years of unemployment, and Saturn just kept bringing me (my moon) down. Ouch! It was really, damn hard growing up through those years. My relationship suffered badly around that time too, ending in shards when Saturn passed itself, and then going from hard to worse to hell, while the Big Boy continued into Scorpio, still hitting it off with my 8th house and sitting square down on my Scorpio planets in 9th house afterwards: Sun, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter.
There has been a lot of “demon facing”, “maturing”, “growing up” and everything in between the past 5 years – all the while transiting Pluto passed my natal mars and rocked the boat in 12th house, because he squares my natal moon (which ALSO squares natal Mars). Phew!
Things have been heavy, intense, deep-digging and everything in between.
I have a question though: While Saturn has passed over those last degrees of Scorpio again in retrograde the past months, is it possible that I can feel both my natal Pluto AND natal Saturn at 28 degrees Libra (but in 8th house) have been affected too? Since it’s Scorpio and Scorpio lives in the 8th house originally??
Hi Anette… Yes it’s very possible that you will feel Pluto while transiting Saturn is in the end degrees of Scorpio – both because Pluto is the sign ruler and also because transiting Scorpio is in semi-sextile (30 degree) aspect to Pluto.
Ah! Thanks for the answer. I kinda thought it “smelled like it” the past weeks (since June I guess). Things have been quite heavy, with control issues and deep-rooted fears sticking their ugly heads forward.
I’m trying to face them all, purging and digging after their roots, but oh, they are hard to get a grasp on?! :P
Just passing out of second saturn return in scorpio… the first was just a change in direction but this one began with a person raging at me and crushing my spine so the whole time i was crippled and injured. it is not over yet… but i am beginning to feel like i want to live again
Wow what an incredible ordeal Anna! Depending on the natal aspects involved, as well as other transits occurring simultaneously, some Saturn returns are much more challenging than others. Glad to hear you’re out the other side now :)
Through the whole saturn return I was single. I’ve never been alone sooo long I think I was addicted being with someone. I learned to be alone and happy. I did lots of shadow work and purged lots of grief in tears. Feeling much better, still glad that Saturn is moving on and I am out of this. Intense 2years where I found myself and learned alooot bout me. Great article. I was searching for articles about experiences from peer groups.
Hi Uuree… Thanks for sharing your experience here. Saturn return can be such a difficult transit and hearing how others have worked with these energies can be so helpful.
Yes, I’m currently having a Saturn return in Scorpio. The last year (2014) was the hardest and most difficult of my life. I have never truly known the meaning of ‘hard work’. I got pregnant, had a baby, the looking after of which brutally scoured out what I thought to be my personal identity. I suffered physical injuries to both my legs (and now my shoulder). I was a very active person and this was and is still a huge blow – still not yet recovered physically. I worked myself to the bone at my job, putting all of myself into it. I’ve had bone-crushing depression throughout the last 3 years. Most of the time I felt like I was on a rack torture device with a thumbscrew in my neck, driving me to work harder and harder and give everything and myself up. Now there is very little of the old me left. On the other hand, I have never had such rich experiences in spirituality and God. Glad to read other stories here, so thank you.
Thanks for sharing Nike… It’s incredible how these kind of harsh transits bring us closer to the divine. So glad you can see that even after all the struggle and pain. All the best xx
Hello,
I’m fairly new to astrology and find myself very interested in it, and wanting to learn more about it after reading interesting events into other’s lives. I am curious to know what striking features (if any) you are able to pick up by perusing my chart. Any amount of insight would be tremendously helpful as I try to make sense of what little I am able to understand from my own chart.
Kindest regards,
LA
7/7/87 13:00 Northridge, CA, USA.
Hi Libra… I’d be very happy to do a take a look at your chart however I no longer do readings for free as this is not sustainable for me. If you would like to work with me you can purchase a reading at my store. There are options available for all budgets and if finances are challenging for you there is also the option to have a reading by donation. All the best, Faith
I am currently in my saturn return scorpio. Scorpio has retrograded and won’t end until sept 17. I’m 32 and my initial return came on Oct 2012 but I started to feel the effects maybe a year or two prior to that. Ive since then been heartbroken with lovers, evicted from home, went to jail for 40 plus days and my aunt just died yesterday whom i was very close to. Although all these things have happened my faith in God has not been wavered. I know that if I remain strong and learn from all the bad things that happen. Great things will eventually come. I will not give up but i’ll be a happy little woman when mid september comes!
Thanks for sharing Sag… And you are so right: everything is impermanent and even the hardest challenges don’t last for ever :)
Hey! I have Saturn and my South node conjunct in Scorpio/12th house. And my transformation has been incredible. I only came to learn about Saturn return in March 2014. In 2012 I came out to my family. Had a great boyfriend and was finishing my massage training. The next year my relationship took a turn for the worst with no explanation as to why. Then I moved into my sister’s shed. I had to find a place to work from and for 2 weeks leading up to my graduation my boyfriend ignored my calls. The night before my graduation he broke up with me over the phone. But I still went even though everything inside me was crushed. I loved him so much. It felt like he had died. I couldn’t contact him. He was gone from my life. Then I entered into a day spa which went ok but the lady who rented the room to me had a partner who I got uber bad vibes from. Stuff happened alot there. So much drama and police and ambulance were called on severely occasions for different reasons. He was banned from going there. Meanwhile my sister was blaming my cat for attacking and injuring her cat. I have never seen my cat attack another cat before. He has always gotten on with the cats he has lived with. So I put in him a cattery where I knew he was safe and I moved out and lived in my massage room for a few weeks until my friend and I could find an apartment together. One weekend when I was meant to be training for sports massage. I came back from class and he was trying to break in. I rode my bike to my barber’s and got my hair cut. Then I came back but didn’t sleep well at all. The next day I woke up feeling like I was hung over and didn’t go to my training. I decided I needed a massage and as I was leaving. He was downstairs trying to break in again. I called the lady and she told me to call the police. He sweet talked his way out of it but wasn’t allowed in and didn’t come back until that night when I called the police again and they let him go. But then the lady turned up with his brother and he went nuts and was arrested. All of this happened while I was inside and I couldn’t do anything about it. I broke down. Needless to say I ended up taking my business to my apartment when my friend and I found a place and it just didn’t pick up. I dropped out of my course and moved interstate to where my parents were. 2014 that was when I experienced the change. I went through a lot of healing and discovered astrology. Was able to get my cat out of the cattery 6 months after he went in. Now I have 2 shops. But this past week when Saturn went into the last degree of Scorpio I was harassed by police when riding a bike and then they turned up at my house! All because I didn’t have a helmet on. Thursday I rode my bike (with helmet on) and locked it but then realised after the storm came that I had left my keys at home so I walked to my new school in the pouring rain for 2 hours. And I had assignments and tests yesterday that I was so stressed over that I forgot to say happy birthday to my mum! But I have become very spiritual, I have matured so much in the last 2 years. I have a great new boy friend who supports and understands and communicates. I would trade this experience for anything but I do hope I don’t get harassed by police ever again. Haha
Wow Timothy, what a journey! Saturn return can really be a challenge, especially when there are difficult natal aspects involved. Glad to hear you’re aware of your own transformation and the value of these challenges to your long-term growth… And it sounds like you’re building something strong and enduring both in your relationship and career. Nice one :)
Saturn came to pay me a visit nearly three years ago, back in 2012 in my first house. I have gone through divorce, and heartbreak, so excruciating, that I nearly didn’t have the energy to pick myself back up. It’s been a mixed bag, with high triumphs and self realizations, letting go of the past, and embracing the vision of a new future. Every way that I used to use to cope with life, during this time has been stripped away, nearly every comfort save for friends, family, and work, and a roof over my head have been stripped away. That’s how I felt at first. Like I was opened up and laid bare for the birds to pick at my insides. Seemed like there was no one but me, and no shelter. I got to a point where I just couldn’t resist anymore. I gave into the discipline, and started taking the lessons to heart, and started doing the work. Just when you think you’re out of the woods, and starting to feel better, it’s time for the next lesson. This is the cycle until, at the end, you find yourself feeling and thinking and acting like a much different person than when it began. I feel like the phoenix burned alive till I became a fine black ash, then have been struggling through the growth process, of becoming something new, something better. Here I am nearing the end of my transition, working through the tale end of one last lesson. The lesson has been the hardest, and has been the constant one Saturn has been working with me through. I got through the rest all the while this one was under there, I wasn’t able to see it till many of the others were stripped away, and dealt with. This one is to do with fear of loss, fear of losing someone you love forever, and feeling helpless to do anything about it. Saturn is teaching me how to deal with that kind of fear. Also showing me how that kind of fear was the key issue that created all my other issues I worked through. I have faith that the one I love will return to me after this lesson. Saturn has a way of removing all comfort so you can focus on the lesson at hand. As much as I’d love to have her in my life right now, I’d never have learned this last lesson if she were here. I in a way am grateful for that. With this issue worked through I know I will be able to love her, and care for her in a much more true, and honoring way. So while it sucks to have your bones crushed, over and over, its great to be coming out the other side, knowing that you are forever changed.
Wow Nathan! It sounds like you’ve integrated a lot of wisdom through this Saturn return. Thanks for sharing your story with us here…
Yeah, I’m learning the best thing you can do is surrender, with love and compassion, and accept the lessons as they come. Still one thing hanging out there, a matter of the heart so to speak. I feel inextricably in love with my best female friend, we started seeing each other immediately after she and her long term boyfriend broke it off. That’s when the beginning of my core lesson began to rise to the surface. So, how to deal with like when one of your major supports, and also your love says they need space to process their painful breakup. So, I’m hoping that in a spirit of love, I can give her the space she needs, and not give into the fear of being without her forever. It’s my final chance to find my power within myself, instead of looking to daisy chain someone else power. It has been my most excruciating lesson. I love her, and miss her everyday. I know I love her for the right reasons too, not idealized, fantastical, I like who she is as a person. I hope that after this transition, we find our way back to each other, as she has said. Stay strong everyone!
Hi, I’m just ending my second Saturn Return in Scopio. My first one totally transformed my life. I got pregnant with a man I was deeply in love with. We got married and then three months later he was diagnosed with Cancer. He died when I was 31. I was left with my two year old daughter who was actually my happy ending.
This time around it’s either much quieter or I learned enough from the first go round. I’m just about at the end of it and my changes are very much more internal. Finally working on myself, giving to myself, growing into a truer version of myself. Funny thing is my Daughter is also just ending her first Saturn Return in Scorpio as well. She’s a 1985 baby and I was a 1955 baby.
What an amazing story Laura! Thanks for sharing :)
I have Saturn at 13 degrees of Scorpio and Sun/Venus conj at 22 degrees Scorpio. My second Saturn return has now finished and basically left me with the absolute bare bones of my former life. My work in music and the arts literally died en route through the Saturn return and I am probably now living the worst nightmare of work that I can think of – working in an office! Nothing awful has happened to me as compared with other people, whose stories I have read on the site, but I am left completely bereft and I don’t even recognise my life or myself any more.
Hi Jane… Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sad to hear you find yourself in an environment that doesn’t resonate with you. I suspect that further transformation is on its way as our souls will not tolerate such a situation for long. If you remain in touch with your deepest core I believe you will find your way back to a place that is more nourishing for you. x
So I think I have a pretty hard to top Saturn return story. Both I and my now ex partner recently went through Saturn return in Scorpio at a similar times during the 2014/15 period. I only recently got into astrology but I have to say it explains a lot of things from the past 2 years. Would be interested to have someone look at my chart properly as I’m sure it would be interesting :)
3 years ago I was seemingly living a happy, normal and successful life. Just bought a new house, had a great job earning excellent money. I had also arranged for a transfer overseas with my job to live in Europe in my partner’s home country where we were also getting married in early 2014. Then the crap hit the fan.
We actually got married in a private service before moving overseas in early 2014 but had a large public wedding planned for mid 2014. Sold all possession in my home country, rented out the house we had purchased and made the move overseas. 3 months later I caught my partner cheating while I was away on a business trip… so breakup and call off the public wedding literally a couple of weeks before it was to take place. Family and friends already arranged travel however so groups of friends and family still came overseas which I had to manage. I was also already legally married so then had to manage the divorce and division of assets including the home.
At the end I was left in a new overseas job, in a foreign country where I did not speak the language owning nothing but the clothes in my suitcase. To say I had an intense couple of years is quite the understatement but strangely I wouldn’t change anything if I could go back. I learnt and grew more in the last 2 years then I have the previous 28 combined.
Then just to top it all off the end of last year after getting into yoga and meditation it all culminated in a full blown Kundalini awakening. I would have classified myself as atheist… so life transformation would be an understatement to say the least.
What an amazing story Sam! Thanks for sharing and keep us posted on how things develop as you head into this next chapter… x
I don’t know when my Saturn return started exactly but in 2009/2010 I began to notice that every person who needed to unload their s..t, meant for someone else or frustrated about something else, thought of me as their personal waste bin.
Somewhere in 2011 it was all systems down and the only thing I wanted was to die and leave this ugly place, I started to look for the perfect way to end my life and came across DMT. For me that was the only thing in life I was willing to try before you know. I had deleted every person who wasn’t there for me or who vented their rage towards me or who didn’t appreciated me.
In 2012 I probably had two trustworthy people around me. They weren’t fully in my life though; acquaintances, practically strangers, new comers.
From 2006 on I moved from one place to another (legal squatting) and there was a lot of tension with neighbours, the probability to end up on the streets, the moving itself, job no job. I have moved 14 times in the years 2006 – 2014! In and out of jobs, ten months without any income, falling for non available guys and aching for years after such a man-episode. Came out of the depression (on my own strengths!!), not really stable/strong yet, but saw that the depression was telling me that I needed to set boundaries and to choose myself/stand up for myself/do it myself/love myself. I was thankful for that experience. Once I saw that that was the lesson the healing took a faster pace. It still went with baby steps though, it’s a process. I knew I had to (heal the) go inside and to leave my cerebral side for what it was, because this was something I could not figure out through intelligence (practical solutions). I needed to feel instead of doing or thinking.
In April 2014 I had a burn-out after stressful jobs with bloodsucking colleagues, no job, no home and luckily I could stay with my cousin in another city than my hometown which annoyed me for years now (I couldn’t stand the rudeness and harshness of the people anymore). There I started with ayahuasca sessions (better than DMT because I don’t smoke); the start of the healing of the innerbody and (childhood) trauma and karmic relations. AND I started to look deeper into my astrology chart. Focusing on me and healing. Who am I? What do I want/need? etc.
November 2014 I finally could rent a house back in my hometown. So many things wrong with the house and needed to get fixed. Neighbours and neigbourhood are loud, noisy, threatening, eery. Many outbursts occurred already. Carpet not done right in 2015 now after months decided to go into a legal battle. They found irregular cells in my cervix, doctor tried to cut out a piece; went horribly wrong; two times, next week to different doctor. My ex from 2009 is back and only after one thing and giving me heartache all over again. Almost everywhere I stay a bit longer I get into disputes, misunderstandings, fights or break ups. I watch what I put into my body, I’m trying to discipline myself in healthy ways of living; my body is hurting (migraines since 2011, lower back pain etc.) I don’t let anyone rush me into getting a job, I’m slowly learning how to express my needs in a kind way, still learning to set boundaries, but for this I need to know what they are, perhaps that’s the hard part? I’m trying to enjoy myself on my own. Trying not to complain about the feeling of loneliness or doing yet another thing/event/celebration on my own. Resistant to having one-night-stands or things like that and attracting men who don’t want to commit, so I can go through life without sex for years.
I’m not there yet, but I believe it has something to do with illusions I prefer to live in, not facing reality or something, it’s safer and nicer. House, person etc. looks fine, I idealize, I dive in and then after the smoke clears I realize what’s really there or something like that…
I have natal Saturn Rx in 6th house in Taurus (15 42’12”) opposition my natal Mars in 12th house in Scorpio (25 0’50”). And Saturn retrogrades in Scorpio (12th) (and or) my first house in Sagittarius with AC (0 8′), Jupiter (0 8’6″), Neptune (2 24’1″) and Venus (7 36’57”) there. Is the natal Saturn Rx of any particular meaning in this transit?
Thanks for sharing your experiences :)
I’m not sure when my Saturn returned in Scorpio edge of 7th/8th house. Is it purely when you’re 29? I’m 33 now… but for a little over a year, year and a half (so hard to keep track of time anymore), I’ve been handling a very expansive “Kundalini Activation” and it’s been the “densest” time even if I consolidated all the rest of my life into one.
I can truly say, if Saturn returning had something to do with this (29 years old puts this at 2012), I can attest that I had some extremely intense periods of grief and other therapy work, naturally wanting to dig as deep as I could, coupled with a very rewarding (ultimately disasterous) romance and constant travel/job/money/friendship upheavals. I also got a lot of “habits” down solidly during this time, using my inner drive (Aries rising) and psychic groundwork (Venus conjunct Mars in 12th house, along with Aquarian sun nearly exactly in the middle of its 11th house, Neptune conjunct my vicious South Node/MC Capricorn ‘backbone’, and oh yeah, my MFing MOON is conjunct Saturn by one degree and (R) Pluto by one degree on the other side) to, as Stephen King put it in The Dark Tower, “make a werewolf out of myself”.
Vanity aside, I feel like the period of my life in 2012/29 years old probably had much to do with my recent Kundalini insanity. Every day continues to outdo the one before it, and my inner (sometimes outer) world(s) are a constant crazy rollercoaster, which I feel blessed to be capable of thriving with. Seeing what I do now, I would never trade the “Saturnian hardships” I’ve had for the constant synchronicities, intuition, and increasing depth of consciousness I feel sosososososo humbled by virtually every day. A string of constant “satoris” is normal for me now, and my “inner guide” is CONSTANTLY sharpening me into my own ideals, healing me, and sometimes others…. It’s given me a strangely FANTASTIC opinion of my Saturn energy now. Which is a lot for me to say, because I’m about 80% leaning towards the David Icke conception of Saturn as a hub and transmission center of seriously bad shit courtesy of our Archontic zoo wardens. Best advice I can give is…. I’ve seen well enough at this point through personal experience to believe that EVERY event that happens to you, no matter HOW distasteful, is a “synchronicity” that puts one on the best possible path to a state of constant bliss and connection with “source” or “the ‘Tao'” as I like to refer to it. I believe that we might see even (natural) death as a great thing. Honestly, “life problems” and “frustrations” and “self-hatred”, ALL of it…. for me, anyway… is just another way of referring to the compost of your inevitable awakening. “No mud, no lotus” said another way. Well, Saturn conjunct Moon in the 8th house was a shit ton of mud. And if I can be happy for it, no matter who you are, have faith in your inner self. HOLD OUT for some sense to come. Try to see yourself as WHO you want to be, WHERE you want to be, DOING what you want to do, as your reality, then see any “lack” of that as just the “life in rewind” you must work through to get there. To become the “Tyler Durden” of your SOUL, not your ego (which I think can be gradually turned on and off like a light switch), while your subconsciousness gets pulled forward into your conscious awareness… and no matter how much any of it “hurts”, it’s a good thing, to overcome, how can it NOT be good to overcome??? To overcome things you don’t want to overcome, THAT’S overcoming.
If I had to summarize I would say…. my Saturn conjunct Moon conjunct Pluto in 7th/8th house cusp taught me… that there is not a single moment at all which does NOT contain some “gate” for deep connection to the ‘Tao’; I’m talking full on psychedelic experience without any need for anything outside yourself. Whatever seems like a limit is truly just an arrow, pointing you somewhere, either truthfully or deceptively… either way, it’s information for your soul’s development, as is astrology.
Muchmuchmuchmuch love to all seekers! And a little less to the “vanillas” who are making a worldwide Kundalini event harder, but…. that’s okay, too.
-B
I am freaking out. I realize I’m a few years late to the party, but this is insanely accurate for me. Born in 1985, 2014 was THE YEAR for me. I went to detox to get off opiates, I went into intensive long-term inpatient treatment, I went to JAIL, I started drug court, I did SO MUCH soul searching and hard work. My soul was transformed. I was on the fence about astrology before; I knew there was something to it, but just wasn’t sure. Now I know this is legit a map of our lives. So crazy!