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Home, mother and the 4th House


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    • #6304

      Hi all,

      As a new mother there has been a very strong emphasis on the archetype of Cancer in my life of late. I’ve also been considering the 4th House as the ruler not only of my own mother and my home / family of origin, but also as a reflection of how I create and maintain my own home and family, and how I function as a mother.

      With Virgo on the cusp of my 4th House and Pluto the main occupant one of the things I’ve been noticing in myself lately is a strong tendency toward perfectionism in my home making and mothering. The perfectionism is teamed with painful needles of guilt whenever I do not meet my own standards and ideals of how a mother ‘should’ be. Ouch!!

      How do others experience 4th House? What sign is on the cusp and how do the planets in this house affect your way of being in relation to parenthood, family and home?

    • #6305

      HI @admin,
      Let me pop in here, but as neither mother nor wife, but with an Airs Nadir of 24 degrees and Aires Mars at 19 degrees [actually third house] I am not domestic minded, and I think I would prefer a yurt hung with gorgeous mongolian or tibetan tapestries, a central fire and many stars overhead. As a concession to my 21st century self, however, we would have plumbing and running water. Blankets, all handwoven and thick] would be folded by day and laid on low platforms to serve as low slung sofas and chairs.

      This my dream of home, but in reality I love a neat home, but with a great touch of Bohemian.

      Home is a place of arguments with my self, and I make each argument come up with good points pro and con, altho t get tiresome when there is no good answer. Many of these arguments are arguments I would like to have, or challenges I would like to isue to others, but knowing the foly of it, I reserve for myself, making my blood boil, but sometimes it boils up into insight.

      I write poetry at home, and stories and load photos onto my computer and do mild photoshop. this is where my perfectionism comes in – certainly not with cooking or housework. I am somewhat of an ape at home, yet I grew up as a willing housemaid for my mom, yet believe it or not I loved it, and was quite the perfectionist, until I realized i was doing most of the work, and at a higher standard. If I had been a really good daughter, i would have continued my routine, as I must have been a great help, but rather I rebelled and went on strike, and now I have degenerated in somewhat of an ape, as I said. Quite a long decline in evolution – or devolution.


    • #6307

      Hi @admin and @Linda. I am also not a mother nor a wife. My house for me is a place where I can retire and enjoy peace and quiet – that’s the most important. Wouldn’t say i am particularly domestic, although I did a lot of the housework as a child. With IC in Aquarius one would probably expect that my home would be the venue for gathering of friends, but not so. However, I am very hospitable if people want to come and visit and stay; I let them get on with it as long as they are not noisy – if they are, I will object.

      I also happen to have a close Saturn/South Node conjunction right on my IC. To be honest I do not know what that means. But I was never interested in having children and become a mother (now age 54 so a bit late anyway). I always felt family is more DUTY than anything else. My mother was a very domineering and manipulative person on the one hand, and generous, supportive and caring on the other. I was actually adopted so my mother was my adoptive mother, but nevertheless the mother figure in my life.

      Just thought I would contribute to the thread.

    • #6311

      hi @faith!
      I hope you are finding ways to enjoy little Freya … I remember the first year of being a mom as being overwhelming and sleep-deprived and not feeling up to the task!

      For me, Capricorn is on the cusp of my 4th. One thing that surprised me when I became a wife/mom was how seriously I took my role … lots of rules, structure & rules! Saturn is in my 5th so that may have contributed to the seriousness of children/home but gosh … it took me years to see the silliness of all my “shoulds”! (as an aside, I read recently that the sign on IC can indicate how you experienced your father & sign on MC how you experienced your mother … it rings so true for me but I always thought it was the opposite … what is your experience on that?!)

      At any rate, I wonder if under the stress of that first year in particular, the sign on the IC presents itself in maybe not its best light and we go there because it’s what’s most available for us … in your case the perfectionism of Virgo. And then the planets also share their shadow energy feeding off how we use the sign … Pluto and his paranoia, guilt, etc… Of course, I am preaching to the choir here and you would know much more than I am offering … Still, as encouragement, you bringing up the subject and being aware of the tendencies that are coming up for you is brilliant and healing and I hope enough to shift the energy so you can let it be there for the ride! xo

    • #6315
      Iratxe Mendi

      Hi all,

      Here another “not a mother nor a wife” ;)

      Just came from the woods or forests and there I feel so much the fourth house, as I have mentioned soooo many times…

      I imagine that with so many readings you might not remember @admin Faith, but still, I do want to mention that the way you read my saturnine Taurus fourth house was so “just there”.

      With this Taurus fourth house, and maybe because Saturn Rx is there, close to the IC, I just need earth. This is the place where I feel home, connected to myself. As if “I were that”. Somehow…

      Also, more and more I find that this fourth house work moves towards becoming one of those “folding homes”: carrying the home within me. I am not sure about how to name it yet, it is just becoming clear. About feeling at home here, in the planet. And loving it so much. And now, as I write, I sense this has a lot to do with Saturn. I have met a couple of women with Taurus Sun fourth house and in their case it is so out there, so expressed…in my case it seems to be something I need to create. Something that is essential but that has been unexpressed, un-lived. However, from early childhood, my father has been a key figure in terms of connecting to nature. His Sun is conjunct my Saturn and his Sun is a wounded Sun…(lately I am connecting many dots as elements from family of origin pop up).

      I would like to create a home close to the woods and write and create art and work there. Let’s dream…

      And then we have the Moon and Mars and Pluto…a lot. Lately, I am becoming more able to discern the layers: as if there were different expressions of the same melody: the mother. In my case, again, as I guess I have written many times in the forum – from the beginning of the forum! :) – the relationship with the mother is an evolutionary key. It appears here and there.

      The way I experience the fourth house is more about my own roots, my own being at home or so, “being myself”. A lot of un-layering or, again Saturn work: becoming who you are underneath those conditioned programs. A lot of ancestral energy that I have experienced in my own fiber…an immense subject to tap into. Tones of hidden beauty and work ;)

    • #6321

      This is very interesting Faith. I have one child who is now 45, plus 2 grandchildren. I was the eldest and brought up in the time when families were larger and the older kids looked after the younger ones so when I had my daughter I was quite chilled about it because I knew what to do. Cancer Ascendant, 4th house Virgo with Mercury, Venus & Saturn.

      I jogged along quite nicely until my daughter was about three and out of the blue the fear based side of Cancer hit me. There had been stories on the news (as there is all the time) about abductions, attacks and child cruelty. I didn’t realise it at the time but what I did was draw on Mercury and Venus to put the mental processes into gear to deal with those fears. Then, later as she got older and became more challenging and pushing boundaries I took the approach of job descriptions. It was part of her job description to grow, explore and push boundaries. It was part of my job description to put boundaries there but also know when to allow them to stretch. We then moved on to jointly establishing boundaries. Another part of the job description when she was even older was to watch while she refused advice and went full steam ahead and then help to pick up the pieces.

      I have to say I have never been a perfectionist when it comes to parenting, I doubt that its possible to be a perfect parent. Not a perfectionist when it comes to the house either except when its being decorated. Things have to match and colours compliment etc. I make a lot of clothes for the family and I am a perfectionist there and have been known to get up in the night to sort something I wasn’t happy with.

      When it comes to the house as a home, its been important for me to be able to offer shelter to my daughter and grandchildren if need be. That’s probably more related to the Cancer Ascendant.

    • #6328

      @linda, @lift-the-fog, @suewyatt, @iratxe, @chris-fitz

      Thank you all for sharing your insightful thoughts and experiences of the 4th House – so helpful especially to hear from my fellow mums.

      Unlike you Chris motherhood has not come naturally to me, despite my being the oldest of four children. I think this is due to the fact that my Ascendant is in Gemini where yours is in Cancer, and my Moon is in its fall in Capricorn. The perfectionism definitely comes from my Pluto’s placement in the 4th which intensifies Virgo’s preoccupation with detail.

      In the past weeks I have been observing myself closely and learning to be more relaxed, to let go and allow things to be messy and chaotic. It’s a relief really – I have a lot more time to myself when I’m not trying to keep everything in perfect order!


    • #6348

      I have Gemini at my 4th house cusp and my Moon is in my third house – I felt instantly maternal and connected with my son when he was born. However, my Mercury is in Aquarius and my communication style can be abrupt and jarring, especially when I am feeling insecure, scared or threatened and Motherhood brought all of those things out enforce when he became verbal. Our connection suffered and can still suffer when we are trying to communicate something that feels big and important.

      We home school and our style is eclectic. There are lots of books, puzzles, games, toys, art and writing around the house but nothing really structured. Making plans is not in my area of expertise as a mom but I have a lot of placements in my chart that indicate where a need of control was/is a problem at times so I constantly feel like I am on a learning curve every step of the way as a mom and through building myself as an individual. I am learning every day what it means to create and hold the space where not only my true self comes through, but that the space is held and expanded for my child’s individuality, as well. I like to have fun – but I had to learn how :p Joking and playing games come natural to me on one level but I had to clear a lot of trauma from my past before I could accept being fun as a mother, I had to remember how to play and I am still working on being comfortable in that area. Luckily, even though my son is 9 – he is still imaginative, creative and very much a spirited child that helps me connect with that part of myself and motherhood, for me, has been very much a “growing together” experience. I tell him all of the time “Thank you for learning life with me” lol

      • #6355


        I really enjoyed reading about your mothering experience, and especially how you are learning and growing yourself as your raise your son. My little girl is still so small and yet I’ve already encountered so much of my own weakness, my selfishness and impatience particularly, and have had to acknowledge these aspects of myself and rise above them in order to meet her needs.

        What a roller coaster ride it is! And all the more challenging because we have done everything in the wrong order – most people build their home and get settled before having children. We moved into a half built house when she was six weeks old and it has been one thing after another since then! I count myself extremely lucky that I have such a supportive partner and community – including this one! X

    • #6394

      My 4th House is ruled by Libra; as one would expect with my Sun, Mercury and Pluto in there, this area of life is a major focus and source of growth (but also struggle and pain) to me.
      Most of my life experience revolved around the search for a place where to belong (physically and metaphorically). Loving and being loved is a huge part of this. I’m definitely domestic-minded and I aspire to co-create a shelter of harmony and peace, and a loving family, but this goal seems to elude me sometimes as good old Pluto tends to make himself known at some point.
      I like to be surrounded by beauty and I aspire to inhabit a home that reflects my artistic tastes – lots of wood, natural materials, stone, crystals, magickal objects, plants… preferably in a location that isn’t too close to cities. Home is my kingdom so the vibe and energy in my house is extremely important and affects me to a huge extent.

      EDIT: Oh and I also WANT children. I reckon that with Pluto in my 4th I’m a bit obsessed with the idea. I have a very heavy karmic legacy that was passed down to me by the women in my family and I want to break this legacy by giving my children everything I didn’t have while growing up – affection, loving gestures, emotional support, understanding. I didn’t feel loved at all as a kid so I feel it’s important for me to experience this as an adult with my own children.

    • #6396

      Hi @cristina,

      I feel so much the same way about love in the home. I must discover a new way – maybe that is why I have arguments with myself. I have seen the pointless empty battles that go nowhere in the home environment – they are argument for the sake of argument, or acting out some other emotion. totally destructive. I don’t care what happens to me, I will not live that way!

      By the way, @cristina, I wrote you a private message last week. I wonder if you received it? It was regarding the chart challenge, I put up – I do know you have many obligations -university and your own website, and I asked if you would like to contribute, but only if you have the time or interest, and of course, I asked because of my own interest in reading any observation [short is fine] as I love to read your analysis.

      most sincerely,

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