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Relationships and the outer planets

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    • #19985
      Faith
      Facilitator

      I just finished listening to Cristina’s final video on Relationships and the Outer Planets and she has absolutely nailed it! As someone who has all of the four planets covered in the lesson somehow involved in my relationships, so much of what Cristina discussed rang very true for me.

      To help you integrate this material, whenever you are ready to do so, I will discuss my chart as an example, specifically regarding the influence of the outer planets on relationships.

      Saturn – Venus (Planet of Relating) is in Capricorn and thus Saturn is her ruler

      Neptune – Neptune is placed in the 7th House of Interpersonal Relationships, natively ruled by Venus

      Uranus – Uranus in Scorpio is exactly sextile Venus

      Pluto – Pluto is in Libra (ruled by Venus) and almost exactly square Venus who is placed in the 8th House (natively ruled by Pluto)

      By contrast I do not have any outer planet influence on Mars at all!

      In my youth, before I learned to work more positively with these energies, my relationships were volatile, short-lived and intense. They were characterised by betrayal, rebellion, rage, power-struggle and dishonesty. I have had to learn vulnerability, forgiveness and accountability in order to enjoy the deep, safe and open relationship I now share with my partner.

      I believe outer planet influences take relationships to a new level of depth, authenticity and openness. It makes them gritter, more down-to-earth and sometimes harsher. But it also makes relationships a potent edge of learning and growth over the course of a lifetime.

      Has anyone else looked at the outer planet influences on their Venus and Mars yet? If so feel free to share your placements, as I did above, so we can decipher them together. I know Cristina is as passionate about this subject as I am and will be more than happy to answer any questions you have.

      X

    • #19989
      Asli Ceylan
      Participant

      Hi Faith,

      Thank you for starting this topic.
      I really wonder these subjects.
      As I have a strong Venus, I thought relationships would take more importance.
      But my Venus and Mars do not have major aspects and I started to think that this area was not a focus in my whole life.

      My outer planets have aspects as below:

      Saturn in Libra (Venus is also in Libra)

      Neptune in the 4th House in Sagittarius (natively it is Moon’s house)(Jupiter is in Libra, so Venus rules here too)

      Uranus in Scorpio no aspects with Venus

      Pluto in Libra ruled by Venus

      I would be glad for further conversations.

      Asli

    • #20017

      Ooooh thank you for starting this thread, Faith. And thank you again, Asli, for participating in this discussion! It’s true, I could talk at length about this subject. There are so many levels to outer planets, it’s virtually impossible to limit the conversation around them to a few sparse sentences. Basically, what Faith has said here:

      I believe outer planet influences take relationships to a new level of depth, authenticity and openness. It makes them gritter, more down-to-earth and sometimes harsher. But it also makes relationships a potent edge of learning and growth over the course of a lifetime.

      (Yes, at this point one would argue that Saturn, which I have included in my lesson, is not really an outer planet, but I thought that the level of challenge that Saturn poses to us, whether individually or as partnered people, is impossible to deny, hence my choice).

      Asli, I definitely think that even though your Venus and Mars do not aspect one another, which makes you less likely to rush into relationships, there is definitely a Plutonian, Saturnian, Neptunian and Uranian subtext in your way of relating. The Uranus/Moon (intimacy/independence) influence is there, as well as the exchanges of energy between Venus/Saturn, Mars/Neptune and the combination (albeit generational) of Plutonian and Libran energies. Very intriguing!

      I have a lot to talk about myself, but like Faith, I will wait to see if others weigh in, too!
      In the meantime:

      Venus trine Neptune
      Mars square Saturn (out of sign)
      Mars square Uranus (out of sign)
      Neptune in the 7H (using WSH)
      Venus sextile Pluto (not a strong Plutonian signature, I’ll admit — it’s like I can switch my Venus/Pluto on and off depending on whether or not I need it. Like, I’m definitely not a stalker, but I am totally guilty of, ahem, researching people I’m romantically interested in, before we actually get to talk. LMAO)

    • #20021
      AnhP
      Mentor

      Hi ladies,

      I pretty much relate to most of what all of you have shared in this thread.

      I basically can’t just settle for relationships that don’t go beyond interests of personal planets. In this regard, it seems like being guided by transpersonal planets is a must for me to have long-lasting relationships with anyone, as what inspires/energizes me are relationships which facilitate/enable mutual growth. It is not about whether people interacting with each other believe in the same things, do the same things, and like each other. An ironic way of judging the health of relationships from which I awakened with Pluto’s ingress in Capricorn and Uranus’s arrival in Taurus.

      Now, I find the litmus test to be whether there is mutual openness towards growth, ability to forgive each other, take responsibility for each other’s role “in the game”, and move on to higher ground, as well as be motivated to support each other along the way towards attaining one’s potential in life. Otherwise, life seems to go to waste wallowing in self-pity and/or in judgment of or struggle with self and others, which does not inspire me much. Staying child-like yet also working to be mature seems to offer better options for enjoying life on this side, while it lasts.

      While Saturn is strong in me, it is more about restriction/discipline associated with being “just”. If there are “unjust” limitations, my freedom-loving Venus in Aquarius will give a kick to any Saturn in sight. :) Although, there is also the issue of being controlling, with the emphasized hold of Saturn and Pluto over my personality. It’s taken me years to recognize that, and to work on peacefully releasing ingrained patterns of behavior which stimulate/encourage my OCD-related habits. I’m still struggling with some of them, but the determination is there to keep refining the “instrument” at hand. :) “Justice” is involved in this dynamic for me, too. I can’t stand when people try to “control” me and tell me how and who to be, by passing judgments on my choices in life. In turn, I also have to work on not being controlling with regards to others, since the self-defense mechanism can be quite automatic in such scenarios for a “power-conscious” person with Moon in Scorpio. :)

      Into my late 30’s, I used to become restless and jump into “defending” myself, in such instances. More recently, after just under a decade of delving into studying the self, the reaction which I find most productive is “silence”, as I see that there is nothing to “prove” to anyone, but just “BE”, free of shame/guilt/judgment. Now, I just say “I/s/he just didn’t/doesn’t know better yet”. Of course, knowing that and consistently being that way is still in the works. Ultimately, all relationships I have had have helped me incrementally uncover what kind of “animal” I am. :)

      Anyway, the aspects between my personal and outer planets which allow for above statements are:

      natal Jupiter exactly opposite my Moon
      natal Saturn trine, both, my Mars (one ruler of my Moon), and my Neptune
      natal Moon loosely square my Saturn
      natal Pluto sextile my Saturn, as well as my Neptune
      natal Venus trine my Pluto (another ruler of my Moon), as well as square my Uranus ruled by Mars/Pluto
      natal Mercury on my Descendent inconjunct my Saturn, as well as square my Pluto

      I suppose that says it all. :) See my chart attached for further details.

      It’s been great having the opportunity to learn about myself with and through other participants in this course. My deep gratitude to all for making this possible!

      P.S. Cristina, I loved all your video-recordings, and the workbook, for the bonus lessons, which offered me very helpful insights. Mille grazie!

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    • #20042
      Faith
      Facilitator

      Hi ladies,

      I’ve responded to Asli re relationships in your other thread on the topic and to Anahit via email but I’d like to address a couple of things as well as share a little of my personal experience re the placements I mentioned in my original post.

      I relate very much to what you have shared Anahit, especially…

      “…it seems like being guided by transpersonal planets is a must for me to have long-lasting relationships with anyone, as what inspires/energizes me are relationships which facilitate/enable mutual growth. It is not about whether people interacting with each other believe in the same things, do the same things, and like each other. An ironic way of judging the health of relationships from which I awakened with Pluto’s ingress in Capricorn and Uranus’s arrival in Taurus.“

      Yes! None my previous relationships could be defined as healthy but they were absolutely transformational, providing me with a mirror in which to see many of my own distorted perceptions and habit patterns.

      “It’s taken me years to recognize that, and to work on peacefully releasing ingrained patterns of behavior which stimulate/encourage my OCD-related habits… In turn, I also have to work on not being controlling with regards to others, since the self-defense mechanism can be quite automatic in such scenarios for a “power-conscious” person with Moon in Scorpio. :)

      Yes! Moon, Sun and Venus square Pluto here. OCD is definitely something I have to keep a handle on and and power and control have been a theme in all my primary relationships. Either I was dominating and controlling them, or they me, or we would struggle with one another in unhealthy, manipulative ways. Definitely not healthy but damn I learned a lot about myself!

      “…after just under a decade of delving into studying the self, the reaction which I find most productive is “silence”, as I see that there is nothing to “prove” to anyone, but just “BE”, free of shame/guilt/judgment. Now, I just say “I/s/he just didn’t/doesn’t know better yet”.

      This reminds me of the concept of ‘radical forgiveness.’ To simplify, radical forgiveness is recognising that there is in reality nothing to forgive, because everyone is making decisions from the level of consciousness they are at. It took me a while to be able to accept this. Pluto is known to hold grudges after all!

      Radical forgiveness can also be applied to the self, and cuts through all that shame guilt and judgement that you mention Anahit. I still carry a lot of shame – Pluto hit me pretty heavily as a child (4th House) and I still carry some minor scarring from what was a pretty traumatic and abusive period of my life.

      And finally, Cristina you cracked me up when you wrote:

      “I’m definitely not a stalker, but I am totally guilty of, ahem, researching people I’m romantically interested in, before we actually get to talk. LMAO)” Yep, me too…

      Like you I also have Neptune in the 7th and I spent a long time idealising my partners: e.g. mentally ill, flaky and immature egotist was in my mind a misunderstood and talented artist who just needed a little help to overcome his difficulties. (Help from me of course – this placement often manifests as the Rescuer type!)

      The other placement that I will briefly mention is the sextile from my Venus to Uranus. It helps sooooo much with the Pluto square, as it helps me to detach from the possessiveness and jealousy that Pluto can bring to relationships when it is afflicted. Personally I used to experience jealousy very strongly but due to the supportive aspect from Uranus was able to explore polyamory and consensual non-monogamy and this has helped me to understand that love does not have to be about that person ‘belonging’ to you, or you to them. We can love someone and allow them to be fully themselves and to love others. And we can be safe in that when there is deep trust and honest.

      In fact there is a word for this absence of jealousy. It’s ‘comperson’. Compersion is ‘vicarious joy associated with seeing one’s partner have a joyful sexual or romantic relation with another.’ I can honestly say I have been able to experience this, although only in recent years. When Pluto had the upper hand and my Uranus was playing the rebel this combo manifested as a complete inability to be faithful to my partners. When I felt controlled I would assert my freedom by going out and giving myself to someone else, and then using this to hurt them.

      Yep really mature! But this is the point of life – to grow and to learn and to become conscious of ourselbes so that we can ultimately break out of our loops and choose differently.

      Phew! Thanks for sharing these intimate details of your lives. It is always so helpful to hear how others experience the aspects and placements of their natal chart and how these play out in daily life.

      X Faith

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    • #20047
      AnhP
      Mentor

      Asli, Cristina, Faith, exchanging notes with all of you has been very beneficial for me! Much love to all of you!

      Faith (@admin), thank you in particular for the elaborate feedback on this thread. I’m glad we can see eye to eye on the interplay between relationship with self and others, and the fact that there is much to glean from all relationship experiences we have in life, whether we find them “enjoyable” or not at the time of their occurrence.

      Look forward to the next adventure in the “relationship astrology” course!

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