Ok….The more I dwell on this the more confused I get.
From what I can tell it all leads back to the moon in my chart. Its my sun ruler and my moon ruler and the final depositor. My chart ruler is the sun but I’m not sure how significant this is now that the moon is the final depositor.
The moon is in its ruler-ship in Cancer so it is a good placement and in the 12th house which is water element too. So I am surmising that it is happy there. I have to admit that for some reason I feel afraid of the moon, what it represents (which is so much unknown) and the idea that it is dominating all other planets. I personally feel quite disconnected from my ancestry, and my past. Even in my life so far I worry sometimes that I remember so little. I don’t ever recount stories or enjoy dwelling on old memories etc. And to think that a moon in the 12th house is where my emotional realm is playing out is just so confusing for me – in the collective subconscious.
I have just realized though, that I am quite tuned into how the collective responds and reacts to the stimulation of the world, albeit with a sense of cynicism. I am hyper-aware of social engineering and the way that we are manipulated through the tweaking of the emotional psyche of the collective. Perhaps this has come from this placement of the moon in my 12th house. I also find anthropology and anthroposophy deeply fascinating and strongly subscribe to Sheldrake’s theory of morphogenetic fields. All of this is probably due to the sensitivity of this planetary placement.
I think that the expression of the more positive aspects of the moon are a bit repressed with this placement too though. I think my nurturing aspects are quite indirect as I often feel uncomfortable expressing love through speaking and touch. I’ve been believing that it’s an evolutionary issue that I just haven’t grown past yet. I also feel that my receptivity is not so open as I would expect with such strong cancer/water/moon energy. I suspect that this is a fundamental relationship with self issue that I think is possibly related to my north node and the 5th/11th axis (Leo & Aquarius)
My chart shows that the moon is in harmony with mars in the 1st house and uranus in the 3rd. But there is tension with the sun in the 11th house and pluto in the 2nd house. I could not rationalize why those aspects create harmony or tension but maybe I’ve just been staring at my chart for too long! I’m totally open to any feedback or interpretation to see if you can explain me to me….it would actually be much appreciated!
As for the north node: it is in Leo but also in the 12th house. This would explain the immense challenge that I have experienced in actualizing talents that I have withheld. I resonate with the description of this axis being displayed in childhood gifts going unseen and un-nurtured or cultivated. And equally relevant the voice of the aquarian south node that talks me down constantly and undermines my high vision of success. I do also feel guilt in the aspects of my desires that are sometimes self serving or almost narcissistic. But beyond all that I know that my Leo north node is essentially about tapping into and expressing the deepest parts of my nature and inevitably shining in that. Of course that is the greatest gift anyone bring to the world. Being in the 12th house it also comes from a place that is very spiritual, cosmically connected and is about expression of divinity with the purpose of igniting others to do the same. I think that the tension with the sun and moon in my chart affects my ability to bring this forth. At this point I am deeply sensitive to the thoughts and opinions of others and that can be the root of inhibiting fears for me. But interestingly, I do also experience when I express my north node (which is through creativity) that it brings the subconscious forth unintentionally and I am surprised at what I learn in both the process and the result.
Thinking about the south node in Aquarius I can see that this does play out in not so supportive ways too. I tend to avoid upsetting people even at the detriment of speaking my truth sometimes. And having this placement in the 6th house means that I can easily make those domestic needs of those around me as top priority at the cost of my dreams. Ulgh, bit sad isn’t it? Well, I’m still working on carving out space for these things that I have come to value.
When I sit back, the life lesson is certainly in the realm of self love and validating my own dreams, desires, feelings and need to be important to myself essentially. Holding that with courage and devotion and not compromising or sacrificing at the cost of keeping the peace with others. Learning to apply the same mastery of responsibility, duty and nurturing that I engage in the 6th house to that of the innerchild in the 12th.
Boom. I’m out….
thank you for your honest disclosure. I know I am such a stereotypical Crab when I do this thing of attempting to reassure people (LOL!), but I really want you to know that what you feel is normal. I’ve been at this for eleven years, but I would lie if I told you that I have a firm, transparent, crystalline, perfect understanding of every single element in my natal chart. Some things are still confusing to me! Evenmoreso ever since I started drawing from different systems. Perhaps we’re not meant to ever get to that point. Perhaps it’s all supposed to be an ongoing journey of questioning and discovering. Either way, your feelings are perfectly valid. ♥
Let’s talk about the Moon a bit!
I’d like to emphasize the fact that the Twelfth House is definitely not the easiest house to describe, or to understand: this House went from signifying isolation, seclusion and exile, to being assigned the meaning of collective unconscious and pre-natal experiences, to being seen as the receptacle of everything that pertains to our self-undoing and self-sabotage because it is hidden or unknown, circling back to the previous two definitions. And, surprise surprise, I think you are already more aware of the contents of this elusive, sometimes intimidating House, than you might consciously realize. I say so because when you speak of social engineering (I am very much interested in this topic as well, so it’s great that you mention it!), of morphogenetic fields (something that is definitely not visible to the naked eye, I find that there is a natural affinity between your Moon and the signals that are unknowingly absorbed and sent out from the collective, the invisible structures that can potentially affect, limit and restrain our agency, and so on.
As far as the expression of affection is concerned, I would look at the fact that not only your Moon is in the 12H — she doesn’t seem to be able to rely on anyone else to pull her out of that House, because the aspects she makes and receives to and from other planets seem to be quite wide in orb (thus weaker, we could say); even the attention she receives from slow-moving, transpersonal planets like Uranus and Pluto is quite mild and potentially challenging. With the possible exception of Uranus, that actually supports your Moon via a loose, but still effective trine: I feel that, perhaps, deep down, you are more fulfilled when engaging in emotional bonds and connections that hold space for your Uranian, detached, unconventional side. Moon/Uranus rarely displays and conveys emotion in ways that are socially acceptable or understandable, and yet, Uranus is the one that seems more willing to pull your Moon out of the 12H and into your conscious awareness. Which is a bit tricky, because Uranus still isn’t personal! So, coming to terms with your Moon might involve acknowledging the fact that, while your Cancer Moon is geared towards nurturing (things, animals, people, ideas, projects, dreams) and mostly receptive to what is unseen and/or unbeknownst to others, she also needs room to breathe and freedom to express herself in ways that are mostly unconventional. What do you say? Do you think this description applies to you?
As for your natal Sun/Pluto contact, I am not surprise you find it hard to rationalize it! Pluto is such a pre-cultural, primal force. In plain terms, we could describe Pluto as the shadow, which means that this archetype is non-rational by definition: it’s all that we are unable to acknowledge, because it’s taboo, because it’s not normalized in our society and might be downright stigmatized; pulling these parts of ourselves into focus might require constant, unrelenting Soul-seeking on our part. It’s all lingering and buried and blurry and undefined and seemingly nonexistant until you stubbornly start to dig below the surface and never back down. Does this partly clarify your doubts about your Sun/Pluto tension? Should that not be the case, please feel free to ask away!
I feel afraid of the moon, what it represents (which is so much unknown) and the idea that it is dominating all other planets. I personally feel quite disconnected from my ancestry, and my past. Even in my life so far I worry sometimes that I remember so little. I don’t ever recount stories or enjoy dwelling on old memories etc.
Me too!! And I have Sun in Cancer as well which is stereotypically quite good at all of these things, right?! :) I want to respond to another piece of your post but need to think it through for a few moments and will post separately …
There truly is so much to consider isn’t there? Tightening the orbs like Faith has suggested can offer a way of prioritizing. I love everything Cristina shared in her post for you as well … the Moon can be elusive territory for all of us .. in a water sign in the 12th can be more so!
My chart shows that the moon is in harmony with mars in the 1st house and uranus in the 3rd But there is tension with the sun in the 11th house and pluto in the 2nd house. I could not rationalize why those aspects create harmony or tension but maybe I’ve just been staring at my chart for too long! I’m totally open to any feedback or interpretation to see if you can explain me to me….it would actually be much appreciated!
I’m over simplifying here to hone in on a key point or two. I hope it doesn’t feel too elementary. I am one to read children’s books about most subjects in order to keep the essence clear! (I’m intentionally not including the Houses for this interpretation).
MOON in CANCER = a double dose of caring, nurturing, sensitive vibes within your emotional body!
It’s being influenced and thereby shaped & formed by
(most significantly) URANUS by TRINE = adds a quality of detachment, unconventionality, innovation, outside-the-box, do-it-your-own-way-ness etc… we would look to all the positive influences of Uranian energy here because it’s a TRINE … it supports how your emotional core is wired to operate. If it were a SQUARE we’d use words like erratic, volatile, shocking, rebellious, etc…
This probably contributes to the lived experience with the areas you mentioned! Does this sit right with you?
The sextile with Mars is less significant because it’s out-of-sign and Mars has it’s own set of hurdles being in Libra. I also have Mars in Libra and for me it’s been about learning to balance my own needs with the needs of others. It’s still important and this piece might have something to do with self-care & nurturing as a way of supporting your emotional body/psyche.
Please ask if you’d like more clarification on any of this … I know Faith & Cristina and the other mentors will also be able to add valuable insight here.
I have taken the liberty of tightening the orbs for your chart so that it is easier for you to see the major themes. It’s attached below.
I have to admit that for some reason I feel afraid of the moon, what it represents (which is so much unknown) and the idea that it is dominating all other planets.
The Moon is by no means dominating the other planets! If you look at the new chart you will see quite clearly the Moon, perhaps the rightful ruler of your chart (?), locked in the tower of the 12th House like Mary Queen of Scotts, while the Sun directs things from the 11th, with strong alliances to Saturn, Uranus and Chiron. I imagine that should you be begin to draw upon and access the Leo archetype through delving deeply into your own and the collective unconscious, you would have a ready audience for your creative out-pourings.
It is not uncommon to fear the inhabitant(s) of the 12th House. I know of many 12th House Mars people, for example, who deeply fear their own anger and masculine aggression. In this case there would be fear of the emotional response, of being overwhelmed by it, of it taking over your rational mind.
And indeed the Moon (your emotions) has a strong possibility of quietly and unobtrusively undermining you, because she rules the Sun and Mercury. This can happen if you are out of touch with, unconscious of, and neglectful of your emotional needs, which with the trine to Uranus are likely to be of an unconventional nature. But as you say, she is in her rulership and otherwise happy in the 12th so she has no intrinsic negative intention, so long as she is heard.
I notice too that you have the same t-square as Asli, between your Chiron in Taurus and your North/South Node axis in Leo/Aquarius. You should check out her post on the topic as much would apply to you also. Very simply, expressing your South Node Leo is likely to trigger insecurities. It does not feel safe. You expect to be cut down. Working with Chiron would be very beneficial for your journey toward singing out loud in public without fear.
Here is Chiron persecuting Leo now:
I do also feel guilt in the aspects of my desires that are sometimes self serving or almost narcissistic.
And here is the voice of your true divinity:
…beyond all that I know that my Leo north node is essentially about tapping into and expressing the deepest parts of my nature and inevitably shining in that. Of course that is the greatest gift anyone can bring to the world. Being in the 12th house it also comes from a place that is very spiritual, cosmically connected and is about expression of divinity with the purpose of igniting others to do the same.
You seem to be very conscious of your own inner dynamics and I believe this is all that is needed to shift unhealthy or unbalanced patterns. By observing ourselves and making small corrections in the way we think and act we create new neural pathways that support our vision of becoming.
As Faith wrote that I also have North Node in Leo square with Chiron in the 9th house.
It resonates me so well when you I read your words below.
As for the north node: it is in Leo but also in the 12th house. This would explain the immense challenge that I have experienced in actualizing talents that I have withheld. I resonate with the description of this axis being displayed in childhood gifts going unseen and un-nurtured or cultivated.
We are on different paths and our own ways but I would like to share my experience about it.
I recently feel that working my Chiron in the 9th house helps me feel more creative and also gives courage to express myself.
Chiron in 9th house means for me healing with yoga and astrology. These two help me to feel more grounded and know myself better.
And day by day when I learn more about these two subjects, I feel more brave to express myself.
I also started gardening (because 9th house in Taurus) and painting too. I like exploring myself.
Of course these are my personal experiences but I feel those work for me and hope that you can experiment your way in an enjoyable path too.
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